Includes bibliographical references (p. 285-315) and indexes

pt. 1: Character building. 12 ways to be an effective mentor -- 12 ways to model responsibility and self-discipline -- 9 characteristics of responsible, self-managing children -- 10 ways to encourage responsibility, independence and self-management -- 11 things you can do to build irresponsibility in your child -- 15 characteristics of children at risk -- 7 characteristics of families of kids at risk -- 10 dangers of encouraging obedience and people-pleasing -- 14 ways parents encourage people-pleasing and dependence -- 10 ways to encourage your child's individuality -- 16 ways to model courtesy -- 13 ways to model respect -- 19 ways to build environmental consciousness -- 17 ways to build tolerance, compassion and global consciousness -- 15 ways to model and teach optimism -- 8 ways to model and teach gratitude -- 15 ways to model self-care -- pt. 2: Wheeling and dealing: motivation, cooperation and avoiding power struggles. 14 ways to create a win-win home environment -- 8 reasons kids rebel -- 6 ways to accommodate your child's need for control-without losing control yourself! -- 15 negative or hurtful ways kids act out their need for power or control -- 10 reasons to offer choices or negotiate options with your child -- 5 criteria for making something negotiable -- 12 things to remember when you offer your child choices -- 5 characteristics of a good boundary -- 11 reasons to use boundaries -- 4 ways in which boundaries differ from expectations -- 9 things to remember when setting a boundary -- 6 reasons not to ask why -- 5 reasons for using promises instead of threats -- 18 things to remember about motivation --

pt. 3: Relationship building and getting along (emotional safety). 9 ways to create emotional safety in your relationship with your child -- 13 things kids may do to create a sense of safety and predictability in their lives -- 12 reasons a child may want to join a gang -- 26 stress-producing obstacles in relationships -- 22 of the worst things an adult ever said to a child -- 30 of the best things an adult ever said to a child -- 8 things to remember about saying "I love you" -- 12 ways to increase positivity in your interactions -- 15 things to remember about reinforcing positive behavior -- pt. 4: Skill building, learning and personal growth. 14 ways to encourage a lifelong love of learning -- 15 ways to accommodate your child's success needs -- 8 things to do when your child makes a mistake -- 13 ways to build decision-making skills -- 19 ways to build thinking skills -- 23 ways to encourage creativity and imagination -- 10 ways to encourage an appreciation for the arts -- 31 ways to develop literacy and a love of reading -- 9 ways to minimize problems with homework -- 17 ways to build positive relationships with your child's teachers -- 18 questions you can ask when your child says "my teacher hates me" -- pt. 5: Problem solving and prevention. 6 reasons not to give your child advice -- 9 benefits of asking questions instead of giving answers -- 11 ways to encourage cooperation with chores -- 3 ways to deal with a messy room -- 7 choices you can offer at bath time -- 12 ways to avoid problems at bedtime -- 14 ways to help your child deal with monsters in the closet -- 10 things to remember about potty training your child -- 16 ways to avoid conflicts over food -- 10 ways to minimize or avoid problems at the grocery store -- 11 ways to avoid problems over money or buying -- 14 ways to encourage positive choices for good health and safety -- 11 ways to create success with your baby-sitter -- 15 ways to minimize conflicts on car trips -- 15 ways to drug-proof your child --

pt. 6: Dealing with feelings (supportiveness). 5 reasons to help your children learn to express their feelings in healthy, nondestructive ways -- 17 ways to make it safe for your child to have and express feelings -- 9 characteristics of good listeners -- 14 ways to respect your child's reality -- 16 things you can suggest to help your child let out anger nondestructively -- 12 things never to say when your child's feelings have been hurt -- 13 ways to help your child deal with death or loss -- 17 ways to help your children survive your divorce -- pt. 7: Healthy parenting (personal issues and self-care). 14 ways to become a more conscious parent -- 9 ways to be more proactive -- 4 ways to avoid operating on a double standard -- 18 characteristics of parents at risk -- 8 ways to deal with your child's saying "I hate you!" -- 10 ways to avoid getting hooked by your child's misbehavior -- 7 ways you can constructively deal with your child's abusive or obnoxious behavior -- 13 arguments for not hitting your child -- 4 ways to manage your anger -- 13 questions that can help you learn from a conflict with your child -- 9 things you can say to detach from unsolicited advice or criticism about your parenting skills -- 10 things to remember about changing family dynamics -- 10 ways to respect your parents as grandparents -- 26 of the best things about having two- year-olds in families -- 18 of the best things about having a teenager in the family -- 10 ways to make more time for your child -- 6 ways to take more time for yourself -- 36 things you can do to feel great! -- pt. 8: Writing your own lists. Things I've said that I want my children to remember forever -- Things I respect and admire about my children -- Things about my parenting that I'm really proud of -- Things I hope my children say about me after I'm gone -- Ways I've shown love to my children -- Things I've done as well as my own parents did (in my relationships with my children) -- Things I've done even better than my own parents did (in my relationships with my children) -- Things I hope my children have learned from me -- Things I've done or said that I hope my children can forgive -- Things I would like to change in my relationships with my children -- Things I'm willing to change in my own behavior

This reference contains practical, kid-tested ideas to help parents deal with everything from monsters in the closet to unsolicited criticism of parenting abilities. The book is the result of numerous interviews, polls and conversations with parents and parenting experts as well as the author's own experiences and observations. She looks at the changes that are possible and doable: small, specific parenting behaviors, beliefs and attitudes that can alter the course of the relationship in a big way. She shares specific, concrete examples of ways to build character, school success, cooperation, thinking skills, social skills and responsibility while improving family relationships, minimizing conflicts and enhancing parenting skills

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